Do Not Open 'til 2016

This time last year I was given the idea to write a letter to myself recapping 2013's events, lessons and overall feeling along with any advice and hopes for 2014. At first I thought it was kind of corny (sorry Drea), but I did it anyway, sealed it up and set it aside for January 1, 2015. Honestly, I totally forgot about the letter until about 11pm yesterday which led to a profanity filled attempt to get it out of the box I stashed it in without having to move anything else blocking it.

I was hesitant to open it, not remembering anything I had written and hoping I didn't put any intense goals or promises to myself in there because I definitely failed. Gratefully, I left goals out of it (I know myself too well) and instead focused on the bigger events from the year and what I learned from them. Ben coming into the world and seeing what a shining light he has been in both Maddie and Trevor's life in his short time here. A trip to Florida that made me grateful for certain kinds of friends. Driving through gorgeous Tahoe on the way to "sleeping" in the mountains of Burney. Reminding myself that nature is and always has been so spiritual and to keep it close; just to name a few.

Surprisingly I loved this letter. Not only was it a condensed version of my journal entries for the year, it was a great source of encouragement from someone who knows me best. There are a few things written down that will carry into 2015 and that's ok, some things take time, but overall it left me smiling and uplifted. After reading it, twice, I decided to write another to open next year, focusing on the same theme from the last letter. If you have never done this and you're feeling skeptical I get it, but just give it a try! Who knows what you're feeling and what to say better than you? Pull out the pen and paper and start today. Happy New Year!

Home Again

In keeping up with my one move per year tradition, I've done it again, this time in a little brick house on 700 east. I didn't realize how much I missed living in an actual house until the last box was set down and we were officially done going to back to the condo on Alpine Way. Such relief! Wednesday was a full eight hours of moving and unpacking, Thursday was more unpacking and a game of Jenga in the living room so we could actually move around, Friday was hours at Ikea and Target for bookcases, rugs and a coffee table and dresser, and Saturday we finally got everything put together and finished. Phew! I love being back on flat ground where there is life! Living on the hill I felt like I never saw anyone outside, just cars flying around the corner on their way out. Now there is always someone walking or biking down the sidewalk, kids out in their yards and people playing in the park across the street. We're also right across the street from an elementary school and every morning as I get ready and leave for work I see all the tiny preschoolers with their over sized backpacks being dropped off and it's the cutest thing ever. This house is already the best.

I love coming home to a real house, there's such a different feeling to it than a condo or apartment. Especially when you live with one of your best friends. It also doesn't hurt that we're greeted by Sunshine the chicken when we come through the back gate. As the last few weeks of summer come to a close we'll enjoy our new screen door (funny how excited both of us were for that!) the beautiful garden our landlord has planted out front and the last little bits of warm sunshine pouring into the house. Meanwhile I'll secretly be moving around the house visualizing where Halloween and Christmas decorations will go.

Lately.

Memorial Day weekend I headed down to Del Boca Vista for the first camp out of the season with the family and it was one of the best yet. Days filled with four-wheeler rides, tunes, campfires with s'mores and of course a little work here and there. The best part of the weekend was the decision to detach from the phone, minus using it for music and to text one of my bests on her birthday, it felt SO good. Out in the woods with not a care in the world about what's going on in social media. It was a nice break and something I really need to do more often. The only downside was not having any pictures to prove this perfect camping trip, but that's ok. 

I left on Monday morning for a trip to Payson Lakes with Holly, but when we reached the Grotto trail and the tiny parking lot was over flowing we headed for our second choice, Young Living Farms in Mona. We wandered the gardens and tried to get the horses, mules and camel to warm up to us, but the only action we got was from an annoyed bison. He followed us up and down the fence and we fed him weeds, screaming and laughing the whole time. They are HUGE. We ended the trip with some lavender ice cream, which tastes like dirt, but is really good at the same time. I can't explain it. 

This weekend was perfection and I have hopes and plans to be outside as much as possible this summer. Maybe by some small miracle I'll also get a tan!

The only picture from my weekend:

Because I'm Happy

The past few days I've been on a happiness high. It could be that I'll be in Hawaii with my best next week, that the sun has been out (and warm!) for the past few days or the amount of Fantasy Factory and Ridiculousness I've been watching, but no matter the cause I don't hate it. It sounds like a no brainer, but it's amazing to see how everyday life changes when you genuinely feel happy.

That Time of Year

Even though the word ‘resolution’ is synonymous with failure in my mind, I’ve decided to make just one for 2014. Something attainable, that I probably won’t consider that difficult until I put it into action.

NO PHONES AT THE TABLE

I can’t even recall the last time I’ve gone out to eat with friends or family when a phone has been in someone’s hand, mine included. And for what? Most of the people I text are sitting at the table with me and there’s no reason to check Twitter or Instagram when I could be talking and laughing with those right in front of me. I also didn’t realize how rude it looked or how ignored friends felt when trying to talk to me until I was on the other side of the phone. 

I don’t like the power technology and our phones have to grab our attention away from those that matter most so with that in mind I will leave the phone in my bag or pocket while out with friends or family and I encourage all of us to do the same!

Bridal Veil

Today, my Sunday drive took me up to Squaw Peak where I was denied by a forest ranger, they've closed it for the season, then to Vivian Park and South Fork to see the horses and lastly to Bridal Veil Falls at the mouth of the canyon. The sight was breathtaking, or that could have been the frigid wind, and parts of the falls have frozen, leaving gigantic icicles hanging from the cliffs. I sat there a while taking pictures, listening to music and reading a bit, both from the Doctrine and Covenants and from Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. There have been many things that have stuck out to me in both books, but in the last chapter of Siddhartha, there was one particular quote that had significant meaning to me:

"When someone seeks then it happens all too easily that his eyes will see only the thing he is seeking, that he cannot find anything, cannot let anything in, because he is always thinking only of that thing he seeks, because he has a goal, because he is possessed by the goal. Seeking means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal."

Maybe this time around a goal isn't what I need, what I need is to be more open, willing to let new experiences in and to stop being so stubborn.

Home....Again

I've moved once again, this time down the street from my old condo, but into a much better space. The vibe and feeling of love in this house is so strong and welcoming; plus I'm right across the hall from one of my best friends so now I can laugh at our embarrassments in person! I hope to make this more of a permanent stay than I'm used to and taking the time to really settle in and make it feel like home.

So far so good. 

Outro

Last Sunday, I grabbed my journal, my scriptures and a hot chocolate and headed for the mountains. The clouds were hanging low that day and being alone I thought it best to stay close so I drove up to the Squaw Peak overlook. Provo canyon is gorgeous anytime, but really outdoes itself in the fall. 

I sat on the little rock wall writing for a while, trying to ignore the anti Mormon radio station blaring from the truck next to me until the rain really started to come down and I was forced to sit in my car. After my hand was too cramped to keep writing I drove up the dirt road toward Hope campground listening to The National and M83 along the way until I made my way back home.

This quick trip was everything I needed and more. I absolutely love the mountains; at times I even crave them. They are my place for solace and peace and I am so grateful to live in a state where I am surrounded by them.

Currently Loving

-These clogs, yes I said clogs.

-Mini Lop Rabbits, they grow up to four pounds, stay little and have floppy ears! I die!

-Modern Kids Co Instagram and website

-Hold On, We're Going Home, by Drake



-Binge watching all nine seasons of X Files

Namaste

Until recently, I always had a weird attitude toward yoga. I think part of me thought it was too trendy or only something actresses did so it was unattainable. Or maybe it was my fear of how I'd look in tight yoga pants as I struggled to bend and balance. Regardless, I wanted nothing to do with it. That is, until my friend Drea took interest in yoga as a way to exercise after knee surgery and fell so in love that she went to school to become a certified yoga teacher. I still had my apprehensions, but my Grinch heart was starting to grow. 

After graduating she started teaching a class every Monday at the health clinic we both work at and because I'm a fool I literally forgot about it every week. I attended one class with a few other friends and I'll be honest I was sore the next day. Okay the next few days. Then once again I spaced the classes, but have since started up again and I have to say, I am enjoying myself. I have had a yoga change of heart! It's hard work, harder than I ever thought it would be and I love feeling my muscles get stronger. (These are obviously expressions from someone who doesn't exercise much). 

Even though I'm only in the beginning stages, I've literally been to four classes, I hope to keep it up and get those toned yoga arms I've always wanted. O and get spiritual enlightenment and stuff.

27, Single and All Dressed Up With Nowhere To Go

Life is a funny thing. It's so completely different for everyone around the world that it kind of melts my brain thinking about it. I have times when I think my life is mediocre, that I could be doing so much more, when in reality my life is cake. I say cake instead of pie because pie is very involved and complicated whereas cake is basic and hard to mess up, even if it doesn't look good.

Just a few months ago I was set on quitting my job and fleeing to the promised land of Salt Lake City then reality slapped me and I remembered how good I had it even if I was so over Provo that it made me physically ill. So here I am, back home for round three or four (sadly I've lost count) trying to once again find my way and I can say with confidence that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

I'm not really sure what the point of this post was, maybe I just needed to get it off my chest or admit to myself that I am on the constant move for contentment and I need to make a decision and stick with it. Too many thoughts. I really need a designated decision maker who will also be the enforcer of those decisions. Any takers? 

Do you ever have times when you feel everything is different, but exactly the same? That's how my life has felt these past few months.

I have more responsibilities and have begun to travel more for work, which is great for breaking the usual office routine, but horrible for my waistline. Testing out the local restaurants is a must when you're out of town! I've also picked up a new hobby with Casey, though it's quite clear who is better between the two of us. Her natural athleticism puts me to shame, but I'm feeling stronger and braver each week so hopefully one day I can catch up. I've also forced  myself into a weekly gym schedule that has me aching every morning and asleep by ten o'clock almost every night. It's a little sad, but beats my original schedule of cookies and Netflix. Most exciting of all, baby McEntire is due really any day now and I am dying to meet him! Tiny nose? Soft, wispy hair? Peach fuzz? Baby smell? Intoxicating! 

Needless to say I keep busy. I've started a list of hopeful spring/summer plans, something I hesitated doing since I have a tendency to never check anything off of the list, but I've kept it small and simple, leaving room for something big and exciting should it come up. 

There's so much to do and look forward to!

Toxic update

I read this article today in the September issue of Marie Claire, good explanation for the way I've been feeling...

This is now my third, and hopefully final blog, somewhat inspired by the need for change, but then again I guess having three blogs was already trying to fulfill that need.

I'm not sure which direction I want this blog to take, I have no intentions of becoming popular or being sponsored, I'm just hoping to use this space as a mixture of updates, pictures, quotes, music, current faves and the things I love most, so prepare for a lot of posts about food.

I've grown a lot in the past year and even in the past few months, I feel comfortable with my age, my style, my interests and most importantly myself.  There's always things that could be improved (like fixing my one Diet Coke a day habit or laying off morning donuts) but so far I feel.....content, well almost.

I have a few plans for the future that I hope will fill in the cracks and I'm excited to see them unfold!